Businesses Seek to Capitalize on Greek Parties

by Matt Kalina

Above: Students sporting some of TRAMP’s fashionable clothing

It’s registered season again, and you know what that means! Alcohol sales are up, standards are down, and class attendance has never been lower! Most people associate this lifestyle with music, dancing, drinking, and Chlamydia. Few people, however, recognize it for what it really is: a business opportunity.

Totally Rad American-Made Products is a startup that vends items to this bourgeoning market of Greek scholars here at USC. The company began as a sorority t-shirt manufacturer whose motto was “the only thing left to the imagination is her name,” but has expanded to sell all manner of Greek products. TRAMP makes everything from $5 dollar handles of what is legally (in some states) considered to be alcohol to root-beer flavored condoms.

This service was started by USC dropout and Delta Upsilon Mu brother Ryan McLousar, who has received significant funding from the USC Sample Center for Entrepreneurship.

When asked why the school is supporting a company that vends to parties of questionable morals founded by a student who failed to graduate, spokesman Frank Worth-Louis told reporters, “Totally Rad American-Made Products represents everything that USC stands for: money! The Sample Center for Entrepreneuship supports new and inventive ways to make money no matter how good, bad, or sticky the products might be.”

“Business couldn’t possibly be better, bro,” McLousar told Sack of Troy reporters.

“We really found a solid market here at USC. We are launching a new line of TRAMP fragrances. Totally epic! For the chicks we have Strawberry Desperation and for the bros we have This Doesn’t Smell Like Foot.”

In addition to the fragrance lines, TRAMP is unveiling EZ SCank, an app that scans USC fraternity parties for girls with daddy issues.