Lee to Play “Everything” Next Season

by Jordan Klein

To say that USC’s football season was disappointing is more than an understatement. After a 21-7 loss to Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl, the Trojans became the first preseason #1 team to finish with 6 losses in college football history.

Nevertheless, one bright spot in the Trojan’s mess of a season was the promising play of sophomore Marqise Lee, who finished with record-breaking statistics in the PAC-12. Even more impressive, the receiver won the Biletnikoff Award, which honors the nation’s top receiver.

During a recent PAC-12 media day, coach Lane Kiffin explained how he plans to utilize Lee next season:

“You know, I’ve always said that [Lee] impacts the game on every play. Well now, he’ll literally be in on every single play.”

Kiffin clarified his comments by declaring that Lee will now reside at the top of the depth chart for the kicker, punter, cornerback, trainer and water boy positions in addition to his natural role as a wide receiver. He may also be the linebacker coach.

“Think of the fake punts, the fake kicks, the trick plays that we could run” Kiffin shouted, his signature white visor protecting his skin from the media room’s artificial lighting, “It’ll be pure arrogance. The way USC football was meant to be played.”

When asked about the physical toll that this hybrid role would take on Lee, Kiffin laughed and quickly responded, “I’m already in contact with our men’s cross country coach. Lee will be in the best shape of his life. Trust me.”

A quick look online will tell you that the Trojans don’t actually have an NCAA Men’s Cross Country program, leading many media members to conclude that Kiffin is keeping some of his strategies under wraps.

Lee was unavailable for comment but other returning teammates offered some opinions on their coach’s recent statements.

Redshirt sophomore water boy Wesley Vandermeer expressed mixed feelings, “I’ve been supplying water since I was 12 years old, but I trust coach Kiffin’s judgment. If [Lee] gets my job, then I’ll support him. Besides, we have a quarterback opening that I’m looking at anyways.”

With the entire offseason ahead, nothing is certain for these Trojans. We will continue to report on the team’s progress as spring practices begin.