Ask the Sack: “What is This Sky-Water?”

by Jack Koppa and Rob Smat

Above: USC sprinklers contributing to the Sky-Water

Q: Can you explain what, exactly, are these drops that seem to fall from the sky?
- A: Commonly referred to as “rain,” the Sack has received word that these droplets are, in fact, “precipitation.” Apparently, this happens sometimes.
Q: Can Sky-Water hurt me?
- A: It appears that, no, Sky-Water is not generally harmful. However, Los Angeles is constantly surrounded by a dense cloud of dangerous pollutants, so it is possible that the Sky-Water could be absorbing these chemicals and soaking them into your skin. Either way, stay indoors until the city has declared the outdoors safe again.
Q: Does Sky-Water come from clouds? Why don’t all clouds make Sky-Water?
- A: All clouds over LA that do not form Sky-Water are the result of forest fires.
Q: Why doesn’t Sky-Water ever become Sky-Ice?
- A: Snow requires freezing temperatures. But it has rained in the lower 50’s many times. That’s frigid. Your guess is as good as ours.
Q: How long can we expect this to continue?
- A: Until America turns from its blasphemous ways, stops condoning the gays, and accepts Jesus Christ as its personal Lord and Savior. Just as the Sack has been warning you for decades. We’re not usually ones to say “I told you so,” but…
Q: So does that mean we can stop worrying about the drought?
- A: HAHAHAHAHA!! Ohoho… HAHAHAH! … hoho …ohoho … whew! … … the Sack apologizes for that outburst.