USC Introduces New Half-Price Half-Time Football Tickets

by Grace Carballo

USC–In an effort to increase student-section sales, the USC ticket office has introduced an enticing new deal:  Tickets for the one half of the the football game for 50% off.

“I’ve usually sobered up by the start of the third quarter,” explained Carmen Steeper, “and then what’s the point?”

Members of the football program expressed their disapproval of the policy, but ticket office staff insisted that “Game Day” is in fact a misnomer and “Tailgate Day” might be more appropriate.

Bailey Sic, or Bay as her friends call her, explained, “I always make my #gameday insta in the first quarter so I’m down to leave as soon as that’s posted.”

Tyler Yort, another student interested in the deal, elaborated, “There’s really only so many times I’m willing to do the So-Cal spell out. And I meet that quota in one half.”

The new ticket program will have both first half and second half options available.

“Our research shows that most of our target audience comes early and leaves early, but we hope to appeal to the avid tailgaters and of course, pledges, who might not get to the Coliseum until well into the second quarter,” Teagan Simmons, marketing director of the USC ticket office, explained.

Jim Vexter, a member of the office’s focus group, had this to say about the program: “It seems like a good idea, but I don’t go to the games. I usually do my homework or nap after the tailgates.”

The official statement from the football team read:  “With fans like these, who needs enemies?”