Unidentified Man in Red Uniform Shot Down Over Turkish Airspace
ISTANBUL, TURKEY — At approximately 12:23AM on December 25th, the Turkish air force was forced to respond to another incursion upon their territory. Noticing the uniform of the occupant of the vehicle to be reddish in color, the Turkish military quickly fired upon the flying vehicle without warning in hopes of furthering animosities with Russia.
However, after their missile destroyed the supposed Russian spy, the Turkish authorities were surprised by burning chunks of reindeer falling from the sky.
“What in the hell did we hit?” asked ground troops stepping over smoldering Hot Wheels and Barbie dolls. “Oh, fudge,” muttered one soldier after stumbling upon a red and white stocking cap, charred and dripping with blood.
“Nothing could’ve prepared us for the onslaught of chaos that came after,” shakily spoke General Aptal Yalancı as more of his men were dragged back with wounds around their ankles. “No more than thirty minutes after our strike, we started receiving reports of green uniformed dwarfs with rifles storming our cities. It…it was horrifying.”
After 3 hours of fighting, the knee-high forces finally retreated after finding, and securing the body of their fallen leader.
At 8:15AM the Prime Minister released a statement: “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry! We thought it was Russia. Please don’t take away our NATO membership, please! It’s all I have left…”
In order to make up for this egregious mistake, the Turkish military FedExed the rest of the undelivered gifts to children around the world, which are set to arrive in 5-7 business days.
All the coal recovered from the crash will be sent to Russia.
