Dear Mom: Can you schedule my dentist appointment?

by Kim Rogers

Dear Mom,

     Can you schedule my dentist appointment?

-Michael

Dear Michael,

     I called Dr. Silverstein, you have an appointment with him at ten on Tuesday. But, while I have you!! I was talking to Carol from Zumba. You know, the nice lady with the hook nose who got tight as a tick at our last Christmas party, if you know what I mean? LOL. Not that that’s her defining feature, I’m just trying to be descriptive. WELL. She has a daughter who saw the new Star Wars movie. And I told her my son has seen the new Star Wars movie! I don’t want to say it’s fate, honey, but I’m texting you her contact info. I haven’t seen the Facebook girl recently, so I’m assuming you did something to scare that one off.

     I was crying in your bedroom today, and I found your marijuana supplies. They’ve really upgraded since I was in school. LOL. I’m not telling your father, but you’d better not get your sister in on the drugs with you. She’s already been hinting about a second ear piercing. I pray for you two every day.

     Your father has a new hobby. He thinks he’s repairing the whole house. He’s out of control, Michael. I regret telling him that the kitchen cabinet squeaked a little because he has now “repaired” the cabinets, the back door, the air conditioning and the pool cleaner. None of those were broken before, as far as I can tell. Now I have to call a real repairman tomorrow to re-repair the de-repaired pieces of our home.

     It’s a shame about the Facebook girl, Michael. She was cute. I hope you didn’t show her your John Travolta impression. I’ve told you before Michael, save it for when you’re married and she’s already stuck with you. LOL. But seriously, I always knew she wasn’t right for you. Carol’s daughter will be much better. If you’re lucky, she didn’t inherit the hook nose.

     Also, did you read those links I sent you? If you only look at one, read the one about the kid who got kidnapped by a man posing as a lost post office employee trying to find his dog. I know you’re smart, but be safe. You just never know.

     Alright honey, I love you. I put $100 in your account.

-Mom