Student Can’t Parallel Park, Parks a Mile Away

by Jonathan Yoo

A SPOT FAR, FAR AWAY ––  Jonathan Driver was running late to his first day of work at Bottega Louie as he anxiously surveyed Hope Street looking for parking only to find no spots. Just as he was going to give up, his eyes laid gaze upon what he could only dream of: a pristine spot in front of his building.

However, as he approached the coveted parking spot, a cold sweat ensued and his heart started pounding as he faced the realization that he would have to parallel park — a feat he had never completed in his illustrious driving career.

“I can pull out of the spot no problem. The real problem is getting in,” said Driver.

As he sat frozen on 7th Street, a mob of Ubers appeared in his rear view mirror. To avoid holding up traffic, Driver sped far from his destination and watched as his dream spot became nothing more than a distant memory. He was forced to find a parking spot at the top of a distant parking structure and rushed hastily to work in his new suit amidst the summer-like temperatures.

After the Thursday’s parking predicament Driver released a statement: “To avoid future problems, I have decided to arrive 3 hours early. There aren’t any cars in spots at 4:30 in the morning, so street parking will be a breeze.”