Voters Relieved Debate Changed Nothing

by Staff

AMERICA — The first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump quelled the fears of local voters by confirming all of their previously held beliefs.

After sitting through the entire debate at a watch party with like-minded friends, local voter Jeremy Vasquez left confident that the candidates said nothing that would require him to alter his current political perspective.

“For a second there I really thought my beliefs might actually get challenged,” said Vasquez. “But then they just kept saying things they’ve already said.”

Before the debate, local viewer Monica Chao made it clear via social media that she would watch with an open mind. Afterwards, she was thankful she wouldn’t have to follow through by actually changing any of the opinions she’d already spent at least twenty minutes formulating.

“Questioning my beliefs at this point would require a complete overhaul of my Facebook page, as well as a pretty in depth evaluation of my friendships,” said Chao. “I really lucked out on this one.”

Allegedly stuck in traffic, local slacker Carl Vincent missed the debate, but was assured by his peers nothing happened that might actually sway his choice of candidate.

With the next debate around the corner, voters feel confident it will also change nothing.