“I Have Too Much On My Plate” Says Student Who Signed Up For This

by Chai Karve

USC — On a bright Wednesday afternoon, exhausted student Ari Davis plumped down in the middle of Campus Center and began complaining about his schedule, responsibilities, and activities to anyone who would listen. Davis was in a bit of a conundrum because he clearly took on too much, but he was already in too deep.

“I think it’s important to challenge yourself,” stated Davis. “If you don’t take advantage of the opportunities on campus, you’re wasting your time. Speaking of time…”

Davis proceeded to open up his digital calendar and several other productivity and organization applications that are intended to keep him on track but really just add undue stress.

“I told him if he’s so stressed out he should drop something. He’s not being forced, so why suffer?” said friend Tara Barns. “But then he told me that I should nut up.”

“On Mondays and Wednesdays I have class basically all day. I intern on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” explained Davis as he mimed a gun and pointed it at his head.

“Don’t even get me started with campus organizations,” teased Davis as he launched into a trance-like speech and spat out a string of indiscriminate acronyms and letters that sources say certainly sounded impressive.

Davis’ regularly scheduled outburst comes just a few weeks into the semester, during which he had promised to work harder than he ever had while complaining an equal amount of time.