Kinky Dog Really Into This Whole Leash Thing

by Chai Karve

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local cocker spaniel Buddy was born on a farm where he roamed the fields as free as a bird. But after moving to the big city with his owner, Josh Mooney, he was forced to wear a collar. At first Buddy hesitated, not wanting to put the strange contraption around his neck, but as soon he wore his new collar, he was really into it.

Owner Josh Mooney noticed Buddy’s constant desire to take walks. Mooney initially brushed it off as the pup’s youthful spirit, but soon realized the carnal motivation behind Buddy’s behavior.

“He practically begs for the leash,” reported a distraught Mooney. “I want to take him out for walks but I don’t like the idea of him walking on five legs the whole time.”

Many dogs in the area have also publicly denounced Buddy’s deviant sexual preferences and their impact on the community. When Buddy goes on walks, the other dogs stare him down, their eyes searing with moral judgment. Buddy is often too aroused to care.

“I’ve had three dogs before this, and none of them liked their leash,” confirmed Mooney. “But Buddy loves that leash. Like a lot. He won’t let me take it off. He’s so weird.”

At press time, Buddy barked at Josh, asking for his collar to be tighter.