Dog Has Person Name

by Hannah Ceselski

PASADENA, CA — The Richardsons, a local nuclear family, decided to expand their family tree this week when they adopted an adorable Norfolk Terrier. Matriarch Terri Richardson took one look at his sweet little face and determined that she had the best name for him- Jeremy.

“Please welcome home Jeremy Richardson!” Terri exclaimed as she crossed the threshold of the family’s three-bedroom home, holding up the bundle of fluff for all to see. “Isn’t he an angel?”

Olivia Richardson, 16, and Ethan Richardson, 9, cooed over Jeremy’s itsy bitsy little paws and button nose. However, the elder sibling soon stopped in her tracks.

“He’s a really cute dog,” said Olivia. “But Jeremy isn’t really a name for a cute dog. It’s more of a name for a person.”

Most families would give their dog a suitably cutesie name, like Toto, Buster, or Muffin. Terri Richardson, however, would rather associate the phrase “adorable dog” with “middle-aged man driving his 1999 Saturn S-Series to pick up his kids for the weekend.”

“It wasn’t my first choice,” said patriarch Allen Richardson. “I mean, Jeremy is the name of the guy at the office who brings hard boiled eggs for lunch.”

Terri Richardson stood by her decision. She fastened a dog tag around the canine’s neck, purchased an engraved dog bowl, and even monogrammed a special Christmas stocking that now reads “Jeremy” in red thread.

However, it was young Ethan Richardson who rebelled by carving the name “Snoopy” into the dog house in the backyard.

Jeremy wagged his tail and chomped on his bone while Terri Richardson crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, fine. I guess if you guys don’t like it, he doesn’t have to be Jeremy.”

At press time, the children were heard calling out “Here, Snoopy, fetch!” while Terri Richardson watched dejectedly from the kitchen window.