Maple Syrup Bottle Sticky

by Jack Hackett

MACON, GA — At the Waffle House off of Chambers Rd, local man Cliff Richards went to pour some maple syrup on his waffle, but to his dismay, the entire maple syrup bottle was sticky.

“Even the handle was sticky. What the fuck, WaHo? Clean that shit,” roared Richards.

“Look,” the condiment critic continued as he scrubbed his hands in the Waffle House bathroom. “I know I’m about to put it all over my food, but I don’t want it on my hands. I put toothpaste on my teeth, but do I want it on my face? Fuck no. I’m going to IHOP.”

Richards stormed out and drove ten miles to the IHOP off of Tom Hill Sr. Rd, where all 4 different flavored syrup bottles were sticky.