Guy ‘Super Bummed There Are No Hot Chicks’ in His Gender Studies Class
by Ethan Thomson
TAPER HALL – Sophomore Chad McCallister sat down in a Taper Hall lecture room on Tuesday for his Social Analysis of Gender class, but something left him feeling disappointed. After doing his usual scan of the room, he was again disappointed that there are “no hot chicks” in the class.
“I’m the best at finding hot girls. Like, I’m the Terminator if John Connor was just a bunch of babes,” explained McCallister, who claims to only have taken the class because it was a GE. “But this class is, like, literally the worst place to hit on girls. I don’t understand it.”
“I thought ‘fine,’ you know, ‘at least I can study women and learn some tricks to get laid,’” McCallister accounted, “but we spend most of the class talking about what guys do to women, and I’m like, I already do that stuff. Teach me something new.”
Another student in the class, Julia Steinem, has noticed McCallister’s distress.
“He just sits in the back and stares at all the girls,” Steinem detailed. “We were literally having a lecture about the male gaze and the professor used him as an example.”
McCallister, who exclusively wears sweatpants and t-shirts with his fraternity letters on them, attributes his qualms to a lack of effort put in by the girls in the lecture.
“It’s like the girls in this class don’t even want to look pretty, at least not by my standards. Even the people we study,” McCallister said, holding up a copy of Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex, “like this French chick. If she just put on some makeup and dressed a little nicer, she might actually catch my attention.”
Despite hardly ever paying attention in class, McCallister has still gotten his Professor’s attention.
“It’s like teaching electrical engineering to an Amish person,” Professor Solomon described. “You know it is possible to some degree, but there’s a lot of shit to get through first.”
McCallister is currently working on a paper about female representation in the media for the class. His paper, due next tuesday, is titled “Bae-Watch: What Happened to Babes in Bikinis on the Beach?”
