Song Fast But Sad

by Amanda Douglas

LOS ANGELES, CA – Across the United States last Thursday, listeners tuned into 307.5 XM radio heard a new song that was fast, but also sad.

With a tempo that recalls The Foundations’ “Build Me Up Buttercup,” most listeners expected a new song for the dance floors. “I thought I’d use it for my cousin’s middle school graduation playlist, but then I started listening to the lyrics,” commented Justin Conway. “I think I counted five ‘all alones,’ seven ‘tears’ and three ‘suicides’ in the first minute alone.”

Singer-songwriter Daniel Powter, on the other hand, called it immediately. “Sure it was fast, but I knew it was going to be a self-pity anthem the moment they hit that E minor,” he explained proudly. “It wasn’t perfect, but hey, not every song can be a masterpiece.” Powter proceeded to discreetly slide a copy of “Bad Day” across the table.

Angela Marks, a tween wearing a bucket of eyeliner, first heard the song while driving with her mom to the mall. “I personally love the song,” she said, pulling up beside Hot Topic with a smile. “It’s like a giant mood swing.” Realizing her location, Marks proceeded to frown and then chastise her mom for forgetting to drop her at the corner.

The band has been pleased to find a surprise single in the tune, but drummer Stan Adler finds it absolutely exhausting. “I mean, here I am struggling to keep tempo, and our singer starts screaming at me for sounding too happy and vivacious,” Adler said. “Have you ever seen a sad person run quickly? It’s antithetical.”

The band played the song as an encore at a recent concert. The audience quickly became a blob of sweat and tears, jumping up and down while lightly crying.

Later that week, the band was spotted heading out on tour in a bus that was slow, but also deafeningly loud.