Report: Mom Not Going to Ask You Again

by Christine Politte

It’s been two hours since Mom asked you to take out the trash, and you haven’t moved a muscle. Guess what, buster? Sources say you’d better hurry up and do it, because she’s not going to ask you again.

By all accounts, she’s had the patience of a saint. But that patience is quickly running out. She works all day to keep a roof over your head and you’re moaning about a task that will literally take five minutes of your time. Do you see the problem here?

Eyewitnesses say she just used your middle name. Better turn off the TV and hop to it, or you’ll be grounded longer than you were for the lawn-mowing incident last spring. Just you wait, reports say you’ll be stuck in the house until the day you move out.

Uh oh, she’s counting now. Not a single observer understands what kind of game you think you’re playing here. Why can’t you be more like your friend Jimmy? His mom wouldn’t have to ask him twice, now would she?

Know what? Sources say she’s done. Unlike some people around here, she has things to do. You’d better go to your room until dinner. Experts recommend you just wait until Dad comes home.