Well, Mom’s Drunk Again, Which Means We Can Wear Her Scarves

by Leila Hoffpauir

So right in the middle of a thrilling “Dexter’s Laboratory” marathon, my brother Justin and I have been going hard since mid-afternoon snack time. I go to the kitchen to grab a juice box, and what do I find? You guessed it! Mother’s favorite bottle of red emptier than the birthday cards we got from Nanna last Christmas. Welp, looks like Mom’s drunk again, and we both know what that means: We can finally wear her scarves.

I like the velvety one, but Mom never lets me wear it, which is kind of annoying, but my all-time favorite is the yellow one because it really brings out her yellow-y eyeballs. There’s also a purple one that Mom wore that one time she said she was going on a nature walk, but after the third day, we were pretty sure it was nature camping.

All of a sudden I hear a small groan coming from the closet, and what do you know? Mom was playing hide-and-seek in the scarves the whole time! She did do an oopsie in the box of priceless family jewelry, but I won’t tell Grandma. Then she says, “Let’s play a special game.” She calls it Marco Polo, but she plays it a little differently then Justin and I remember. She yells some pretty exciting phrases instead of the usual “Marco? Polo?” nonsense. Stuff like “Get the f— out of my closet!” and “A twenty week limit? Really? Why can’t it be thirty-five?”

Justin and I hang around for a little bit to keep her company. Justin tries on some of her high heels, and I learn what a pumice stone feels like when it hits your head. Hanging out with mom is always super cool! I really hope we can go back to Wednesday and every other weekend soon.