Art Major Draws Nudes So He Can Be Productive AND Horny

by Jose Cardenas

ROSKI — In a curious case of specialization, sophomore Adam Sava exclusively draws and paints nude figures, not because of a belief in the human form, but because it is the only way he can be horny and still graduate on time.

Before he pursued an art major, Sava kept himself too occupied with distractions of the lewd variety, to the point that he became unable to focus on anything else. When his roommate got tired of it and made him attend his classes, he kept it up by drawing inappropriately stimulating images in his notebooks.

“Art is about finding what you love and doing it, and there is nothing I love more than porn and constantly jacking off,” Sava says. “But that doesn’t count as art for some reason. So I just draw and crank to that instead.”

Sava’s skill in drawing nudes derives from how much time he has dedicated to perusing porn on his computer. His taste in these images enabled him to replicate the figures and styles perfectly, leading to a new life’s calling and his only method of productive activity.

However, some of his peers say they worry for this student, fearing that he may be succumbing to a condition Engemann therapists call “horny on main.”

“To be honest, I find his focus on nude figures a tad concerning, especially when we have models come into classes, where he constantly asks for their sizes and gives them ‘nicknames’,” said Bianca Delgado, Sava’s Roski academic advisor. “But I cannot deny his talent,”

Sava now plans to graduate on time, as long as he is not assigned to draw anything that isn’t a “bodacious bod”—because at this point nothing else stimulates him to the point of artistic climax.