School of Dramatic Arts and Kaufman School of Dance Team Up to Create New Unemployment Minor

By Karan Menon

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA – In an effort to expand their scope of academic offerings, the School of Dramatic Arts announced this week that it would be joining forces with the Glorya Kaufman School of Dance to create a brand new minor in Unemployment. 

Officials say the interdisciplinary minor was added in response to a joint petition from theater and dance alumni, who claimed the current curriculum misled them into thinking they would live in a home after college. The Unemployment minor aims to dispel such notions and provide some real-world skills for not having a job for a long time. 

“We spent so much time teaching students how to perfect their craft as performers, we forgot to go over how to reheat instant noodles,” explained Kaufman Dean Robert Cutietta, doing the milly rock. “This minor finally gives our graduates a fighting chance,” he added, hitting the cleanest woah of 2019.

“The Unemployment Minor is fresh, it’s necessary, and it’s now,” says senior acting BFA Robin Iverson, who will spend the next 11 years juggling short-lived jobs as a barista, a trucker, and a Disneyland Ursula before finally getting her big break in a Diet Coke commercial and going on to win an Independent Spirit Award at the age of 47. 

According to reports, the Unemployment curriculum will contain required courses in Car Sleeping, Fire Building, and Begging From Parents. Students will also be able to choose from a variety of upper division electives, including Canned Foods Seminar and Holding Onto That Dream.