“America’s Got Talent” Cancelled Because We Don’t

by Staff

LOS ANGELES — The hearts of bored mothers everywhere were broken on Monday when NBC announced startling news: the company is officially pulling the plug on beloved television show America’s Got Talent due to the fallacy of its premise. 

Regarding whether this would impact the rest of the Got Talent franchise, executive producer Simon Cowell commented, “we still plan to launch North Korea’s Got Talent this fall. We are simply cutting our losses with the U.S version, as we’ve discovered that America simply does not have talent.”

Production assistant Marian Wilson told reporters that the last round of producers’ auditions was mostly full of Fortnite players, TikTok lip-syncers, and Mayor Pete dancers, adding, “now that we’re cancelled, my NDA doesn’t matter, right?”

According to an anonymous whistleblower, this lack of talent isn’t a new problem. “All of the greatest acts have been manufactured in some way. Jackie Evancho was shipped from Sweden. Grace Vanderwaal was created by an algorithm. Terry Fator is actually a puppet himself.”

Following the cancellation, CBS announced the end of Survivor, revealing all former contestants had, in fact, not survived.