Woman Working from Home Grabbing Own Ass for Sense of Normalcy
By Melanie Hoffmann
LOS ANGELES, CA — Despite recent openings of restaurants and retail locations, many offices remain shut due to the novel coronavirus, affecting many workers such as Wendy Lopanze, who must go on working from home, attending meetings over Zoom, and grabbing her own ass.
“I miss the social environment of my firm, you know?” said Lopanze. “It’s hard to recreate over a Zoom call. I’m just so used to my department head, Greg, grabbing my ass that doing it myself has really been helpful in adjusting to my home office.”
When asked about what else she’s been doing to create a productive home office environment, Lopanze responded, “I’ve asked my roommates to make comments on the fit of my blouses everyday because my coworkers won’t do it over Zoom, at least not while it’s recording.”
It’s unsure when offices will be reopening, but Lopanze isn’t excited. “It’s not going to be the same with social distancing. How is Greg going to “accidentally” brush up against my chest in every hallway? How am I supposed to see Dave licking his lips at me if he has a mask on? Coronavirus isn’t just killing people, it’s killing the joys of being a woman in the workplace.”
