Girlboss Alert! My Mom Just Beat My Ass!
CHICAGO, IL — Woah! Girlboss incoming! My mom just smacked the shit out of me! Now, it’s usually Dad who does the beating and the yelling, but this time Mom really lost her temper! I mean she really did a number on me! Yet another win for feminism!
Dad thinks the best place for a woman is in the kitchen, but I disagree. The best place for a woman is right here, mercilessly pummeling me into the ground, screaming at me for hours, making me cry, and then not apologizing afterwards! I mean, anything Dad can do, Mom can do better! Who said women were incapable of emotional abuse?
She’s such a strong figure in my life, and I’m so happy that she’s finally exercising her god given right to ensure that by the time I’m thirty I’ll have lost so much money to therapy that I won’t be able to pay the rent on my shitty apartment and be forced to move back home!
When I expressed how proud I was of her for making such a bold, feminist move, she told me to “Get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops.” and “Stop fucking crying.” It’s so hard to believe that just seventy years ago, only men were legally allowed to do this! Gender equality has come so far.
Apparently Mom has since been arrested under domestic violence charges, but since when was a little trouble ever a bad thing? You know who else got arrested? Susan B Anthony. My #Qween of a Mom is willing to fight for her rights, and that’ll always make her a feminst icon in my heart!
