USC Still Considered a Non-Profit Because It Uses Tuition Money to Keep Predators Safe

By Maggie Bowen

UNIVERSITY PARK – Despite the University of Southern California and Devry University now teaching courses through the same medium, USC maintains nonprofit status because it does so much for the greater USC community, especially keeping employees who sexually abuse others out of jail. 

In a recent exclusive interview with President Carol Folt, Sack questioned her on the validity of USC’S non-profit status.. This semester the private university chose to increase tuition in a year of unprecedented economic downturn to a total sum of $79,063 per year. Folt emphasized that the university has had to endure its own financial losses during the COVID-19 pandemic, “We just dealt with another lawsuit. Students were worried that USC wouldn’t refund them for campus fees for spring semester. Of course, at first we didn’t plan to, but once we saw how upset students were and how much legal trouble we’d find our university in again, we decided to graciously grant them their money back.” 

However, Folt says that the largest recent expense to the university has been the payout of $215 million to victims of sexual abuse who would not stop bullying career USC student health center gynecologist, George Tyndall and men’s health doctor, Dennis Kelly. In 2017, USC decided to let Tyndall leave quietly without informing law enforcement, handing him a severance package (undisclosed amount) and edible arrangement ($29.99) for all his hard work in the health center intimidating those who tried to report him and covering up his tracks. In 2018, Kelly also resigned quietly and the university offered him six free therapy sessions (totalling $3,500) to cope with the loss of his job taking advantage of students. The USC administration, despite their efforts to accidentally lose evidence, were forced to address it after ungrateful students bullied the two doctors out of their medical board licenses. 

We spoke to an Engemann Health Center employee who appreciated USC’s efforts, “USC’s been hard at work trying to block the statute of limitations from being increased so that they can save the university money from the extra costs incurred by Tyndall and Kelly victims from decades ago. Waiting the extra year to tell law enforcement also helped us knock off a few other victims from the compensation list.” Despite USC’s efforts, a recent law in 2018 expanded the statute of limitations from two years to ten years, but according to the anonymous healthcare worker, “Luckily for the university, Tyndall and Kelly spread out most of their assaults throughout their decades long careers at USC so that means we hopefully won’t have to compensate every victim.”

The two former doctors who were victimized by politically correct SJWs riding the #MeToo wave of lies now struggle to avoid prison. Tyndall and Kelly were only given a few decades of warnings before their medical practices were cut short. In an effort to keep them safe and comfortable as they are brought to court, USC has done all it can. From silencing loud mouthed activists to continuing to have unsympathetic DPS officers respond to sexual assault cases, USC continues to lend a charitable hand to these poor predators. Because of their long fought battles defending the indefensible, USC is now the most profitable non-profit 10 years in a row!

Even the Catholic church has praised USC’s efforts,with Pope Francis saying in a homily last week, “I pray that our Vatican legal teams may also be as effective as USC in keeping our settlement costs low. Amen.”