Quirky Yet Relatable Girl Falls Into A Deep Depression After Hearing ‘Parks and Recreation’ Is Leaving Netflix. It’s Me. I’m The Girl.

By Alexandra Ornes

Los Angeles, CA ― On October 1st, 2020 Parks and Recreation, the hilarious and beautiful tropical fish of workplace comedy, left Netflix, leading a certain reporter into a twenty-day depression, and into her thirtieth pint of ice cream in the same twenty days.

Parks and Recreation gave people throughout the United States a sense of optimism that shows like The Office or some other relevant comedy that probably exists cannot instill. She turned to it in difficult times, like when her hamster Leslie Knope died, or when she learned that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. 

Upon hearing the news she cried for twelve days, which did not alarm her family, since she cries a lot, but the pain felt different. It felt like a breakup, but even more hurtful because people are replaceable. Parks and Rec is not. After the first round of shock subsided, she needed a shoulder to cry on, but the reporter only had her Amy Poehler life-sized cardboard cutout. The nonstop playing of the song 5000 Candles in the Wind rang out from her childhood bedroom, as cardboard Amy began to crumble from tearful water damage. 

Worst of all, the reporter in question does not have anything else to watch. People can only watch Glee so many times before realizing Mr. Shue is creepy and every character on the show is super punchable. And now that Brooklyn 99 is copaganda she feels bad watching it. No one knew her like Parks and Rec, and at this point, she feels too scared to open up and let another show into her life. 

She doesn’t understand why it even needed to leave Netflix, especially just to move to a different streaming platform. Netflix could’ve had it all, but it didn’t cherish Parks and Rec like she would have. Netflix didn’t bring it flowers or hold its hand. Instead, it had to go make more Netflix Originals that get canceled after one season. Netflix used to be the haven for all that is good in the universe, but now it only has trashy, low-life TV, like Orange Is the New Black, or Breaking Bad or Avatar the Last Airbender. Just the worst of the television industry.

Parks and Rec will be missed by everyone who’s ever been to a park, even if they haven’t seen the show. The reporter in question will be ok, but there is a hole in her heart that will remain unfilled until the day she dies. The reporter only has one more thing to say. Fly high Lil’ Sebastian. We’ll miss you in the saddest fashion.