Bills Make History By Not Losing

By Mia Young

BUFFALO, NY —Quarterback Josh Allen led the Buffalo Bills to a historic finish this afternoon against the Colts. For the first time in 25 years, the Bills are not total fucking losers.

“It was pretty rough there for a while…” said Johnny Ramirez, a fan who has literally never seen the Bills win anything of consequence his entire life. “I stood by this team through the bad times and the not quite as bad times, it’s great to see them find just a tiny modicum of success.”

This not loss has activated a whole new group of die-hard Bills bandwagoners “Go Bills! We’re all rooting for you this year,” said one fan who watched their second Bills game ever today. “This is our year!”

Wait, what?” exclaimed confused veteran linebacker Matt Milano. “We play another game after this? I thought the playoffs was only one game!”

At press time, the entire team was frantically cancelling their “We Tried!” party planned for next weekend.

Article by Jonathan Krone

“Buffalo Bills 2013 Schedule Desktop Wallpaper” by Hawk Eyes is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0