Local Girl Catches Covid So She Can Blame Quarantine For Being Lonely On Valentine’s Day

By Alexandra Ornes

LOS ANGELES, CA – USC student Sarah Miller was elated to find out she had contracted COVID-19 earlier this week because she could now blame quarantine for being alone on Valentine’s Day

“Honestly, I had no other choice,” said Miller, over a Zoom interview. “My parents wouldn’t stop asking me what I was doing for Valentine’s Day, and I couldn’t tell them I had no plans, so I decided to walk up and down the Row maskless for five minutes, and right after that I tested positive!”

Miller’s parents, Jane and Sean Miller stated, “We are so worried about Sarah. The COVID thing is rough, but for a young lady like her to be alone on Valentine’s Day? That’s heartbreaking to even imagine. She told us about all the guys who asked her on dates and for her to have to quarantine and leave all those options behind is awful. She’s a fighter though, and she’ll get through this.”

“Oh yeah, I had no dates lined up. Like… not even a possibility of one,” stated Miller, after a four-minute coughing fit. “It’s nice my parents thought I could get so many guys though.” Miller has been staying at the USC hotel, where she has been calling her parents once a day to prove she is still in quarantine and therefore, could not possibly go on a date on Valentine’s Day. 

Miller stated: “Sure, the constant coughing, fatigue, nausea, chills, fever, loss of senses, and occasional delirium sucks, but honestly, I’m sure I made the right choice. I just hope a new pandemic comes in time for Christmas, I told them I’d be bringing my boyfriend home.”