Quiz: Are You Sad or Hungry?

By Rachel Michelman

COVID-19 has really messed up our lives, which is not cool! Life has been more difficult for everyone regarding having a social life and staying sane. So, if you’re one of these people having an existential crisis, take this Sack of Troy quiz to figure out if you are actually sad or just hungry.

When did you wake up today?

This morning—I am trying to sustain some sense of normality as the world collapses around me.

Afternoon! I’ve set a new personal record for how long I’ve slept.

Noon, I think? I don’t understand the concept of daylight anymore.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What time of day is it for you now?

It’s morning, and I feel hopelessly trapped inside my house, alone both physically and emotionally.

The afternoon, and I’m debating whether or not I want a frozen pizza or two more hours of sleep.

Between the hours of 11:30 AM and 1:00 PM, so American societal standards dictate I apparently should be eating right now.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Are you still in bed?

No, I’m staring out my window reflecting upon how I was happy once before all of that was torn away from me.

Yes, indeed. I’m all tucked in bed under my comforter like a big human burrito. I only wish I was in an actual tortilla… is that self-cannibalism?

Yeah but I got out, went to the bathroom, and then got back in bed SO YES, I’M AWAKE MOM.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Have you eaten anything yet?

Despite eating an entire meal until I was full, I feel a deep emptiness within me.

I haven’t left bed! What do you think, Sherlock?

A single granola bar from a box of Quaker® 8 Count Chewy Chocolate Chip Granola Bars.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What do your parents think you are?

Sad. They actually care a lot about my mental health and have been paying for my therapy, which has actually helped me out a lot.

HUNGRY! They keep telling me to have three meals a day like everyone else in the family and that, “Coronavirus is not a valid excuse for this behavior.”

My parents asked if I was okay and when I said “Meh,” they told me they wish I could go back to campus too and then told me they made us french toast.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What are you craving right now?

Sweet release from this mortal coil

Anything and everything! A bagel! A leftover burrito! A bagel sandwiching a burrito! The possibilities are endless when you use your imagination!

That I can eat away my depression with Baked Bear.

Correct!

Wrong!

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