Student Celebrates First Anniversary of Her Quarantine Bangs

By Staff

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – As many Americans mourn one merciless year of isolation, Amanda Gilbert has managed to find the positive by throwing her quarantine bangs a first birthday party.

Gilbert, a student at the University of Southern California, has been tragically stranded in a Lorenzo suite with her own private bathroom ever since the coronavirus outbreak in March. Feeling hopeless a few days into quarantine, she picked up a pair of scissors, and defying expectations, cut her own bangs.

“My mom never let me do it. She always worried about how it would affect my job prospects,” Gilbert, a Philosophy major, said. “When I found out we had an extended spring break because of corona, I thought to myself, ‘This is my chance.’” Gilbert now embraces her bangs as her main personality trait. She cites Jameela Jamil, star of The Good Place, as her role model. “Have you ever seen Jameela’s forehead? Look it up. It doesn’t exist.”

To commemorate the one year since Gilbert’s life-changing trichological amputation, she invited her coronavirus bubble — which consists of 54 USC students and their significant others — to her apartment.

One guest, Alex Highgate, a Business Administration student at USC, led a toast at the small get-together. “I am so proud of how far Amanda has come. Her mental turmoil really resonates with me. I shaved my head last April, and it took time to emotionally and physically recover.”

The anniversary celebration was bittersweet, as a year has passed and there is still no end to these students’ isolation in sight. But the true sadness Gilbert feels is due to her young bangs’ lack of socialization. “All these babies got was some half-hearted validation on Instagram. They haven’t even gotten to explore the world. That’s why, I beg of you, please stay home.”

Even though millions of people had to die during the pandemic, at least Amanda Gilbert now rocks some quirky bangs!