Girlboss Alert! The Mars Helicopter “Ingenuity” Is Definitely a Woman
By Emily Torp
HOUSTON, TX – Helicopter Ingenuity, or “Ginny,” as her operators in Houston call her, successfully landed on Mars. She’s a #girlboss forging a path for future female machinery to make their way to Mars, Venus, or maybe even the highly coveted corner office.
Ginny survived the first several -136 degree fahrenheit nights, despite concern from her engineers, who decided to create a large pastel pink sweater to maintain body temperature stability. However, the idea was scrapped when they realized a hoe never gets cold. The sweater was given to the only female engineer on Ginny’s team, Carole Martinez, who was offended that her male co-workers Joe Perry and Bob Raskin thought she and an astronomical helicopter were the same size.
“Don’t all women wear a size two?” Said Perry.
Ginny has exemplified the strong communication skill listed on her resume, by phoning home whenever ET, a true #feminist, lets her borrow his walkie talkie. Early reporting has shown that on her first phone call her dad picked up and said “Hi, honey. Hope you’re doing alright. Ok, nice talking to you. Here’s your mom,” before handing the phone off to Ginny’s mother. Ginny and her mother then talked for an hour about what a prick the Perseverance Rover is being.
Perseverance, or as Ginny prefers to call him, “Perv,” is limiting her bad bitch efforts to make strides for the good of science since using the “real” science tools is left for the “big boy,” as Perseverance calls himself. So Ginny has been forced to use her solar battery to take photos of Rover scurrying around Mars with his eerily realistic while equally wrong quadrupedal steps. Feminists have criticized the engineers for making Ginny a sweater but not figuring out how to make Rover look like something a human person would actually enjoy looking at.
Due to Mars’ atmosphere, it has been reported that Ginny has actually begun menstruating! Big congrats Ginny, you’re officially a woman! Her male engineers proposed having the helicopter wear a diaper, because that’s what women do apparently, but Carole pointed out that since Ginny’s not doing any experiments that her mechanical blood would contaminate, there’s no need to stop the flow or limit Ginny’s important #freebleed activism.
