Girlboss Alert! This Southern Florida Gas Station Just Had a “Glow Up”

By Emily Torp

CAPE CORAL, FL – This girl (gas station) is on fire! Literally! A Southern Florida Shell Gas Station had a #fierce glow up after being engulfed in flames due to a fuel stock-piling accident. 

This gas station, nicknamed “the crack house” by customers, was built in 1976, and has not gone through a single renovation since then. Loyal customer, Bob Balendik, described the ambiance. “You know that thing where gas stations have the key to the bathroom on a lanyard or something like that? Here the bathroom doesn’t have a key. Instead you had to crawl through a massive hole in the wall to reach a cesspool of alligator liquid and human excrement. Still, it’s the nicest gas station south of Disney World.”

Gas station owner, Ray Carlson, had a surprising reaction to the blaze. “When I first saw the doorless Jeep pull up and fill barrels, Dunkin Donuts cups, and above ground-hot tubs with fuel, I didn’t think much of it. This is Florida, land of the brave. But when the gas station caught on fire, my first instinct was to grab my Komodo Dragon, Richard, and run. But my second thought was – yes! Free makeover!”

Area locals are excited that this #bossassbitch is getting the face lift she so desperately needed, insurance-funded style. This excitement has led to local reporters questioning if the fire was intentional or not.

Cameron Hoot, with Fox 11 local news, was an early skeptic. “Why is Mr. Carlson so excited? The fire will have destroyed his gas station business for at least a year as repairs take place. What will he do for money?”

Ray Carlson responded, “Our customers call my gas station ‘the crack house’ for a reason.”

“Firefighters” by AMagill is licensed under CC BY 2.0
“53. Shell Game” by InAweofGod’sCreation is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Girlboss header by Jonathan Krone, Photoshop by Preston Long