Girlboss Alert! Local Woman Uses Neck Massager as Neck Massager

By Alexandra Ornes

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a total #girlboss moment last Tuesday, Annie Bridger used her neck massager for its intended purpose: as a neck massager. 

“It was such an eye-opening experience,” said Bridger, as she gently massaged her still sore neck. “Like I’m used to using it at a totally different angle, so seeing the world from that new perspective… it was just really enlightening.”

But there have been some naysayers, who believe neck massagers should only be used for one thing. “When Annie texted me about what she was doing with her neck massager, I was honestly shocked and disgusted,” said Bridger’s ex-best friend as of 30 minutes ago, Shelly Blender. “Like how depraved do you have to be to use a neck massager as a neck massager? Just keep that shit in your pants.” 

Still, Bridger’s innovative reimagining of the use of a neck massager has taken the world by storm, much to the dismay of some men. Alexander Raine, self proclaimed masturbation-enthusiast stated “This is the worst thing to happen to men. Now they’ll actually have to make their girl cum! What guy can do that?!”

Girlboss header by Jonathan Krone