Plant Based Restaurant Actually Just Dispensary

By Sarah Cortina 

BOULDER, CO — A popular plant based restaurant on Pearl Street was revealed to be particularly plant based last weekend.

Greenpiece (Of Pizza Cake and Pie) was opened in January by Kyle, the boy you told your mom you were only getting ice cream with. The restaurant became a smash hit by locals who described the vegan meals as “intoxicatingly delicious.” 

However, it has become apparent that the intoxicating cuisine is actually due to the fact that all of the food is just edibles. The croutons in the Caesar salad? Edibles. The pesto sauce on the pasta? Edibles. The brownies? Just Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies. “Send you to space fs,” says Kyle.

In response to recent attention from local authorities, CEO and Man Who Says Fs Out Loud  Kyle stated, “Sheeeesh. Fs.” After paying a $4200 fine, the restaurant is reported to remain open due to its high popularity amongst key demographics (CU Boulder sorority girls, hippies, other men named Kyle), but will carry a disclaimer about the true nature of the food. Said disclaimer takes the form of a sign outside reading: “This Shit Absolutely Buss, Or Your Money Back, Fs.”

Riding the media buzz, Greenpiece (Of Pizza Cake and Pie) is for sure set to collaborate with a high profile gastronomic brand – Edible Arrangements. 

Photo by Jan Zwarthoed on Unsplash