USC Forced to Put Dollar in Scandal Jar

By Izzy Ster

LOS ANGELES, CA — Following US News & World Report asking the University to provide letters clarifying the Rossier School of Education’s graduate school rankings after claims of misreporting it to the publication, USC was forced to put a dollar in the scandal jar. “They started it!” claimed the institution, while having a tantrum in the middle of McCarthy Quad. Hiccuping and wiping tears, the University stamped their feet on the ground after Mommy Carol Folt revoked its weekly allowance for the Sprinkles ATM machine.