Man Working To Better Himself Looks Fucking Stupid
By Bill Rockas
PHOENIX, AZ – Pathetic simpleton Frank Lellen hit an existential crisis at the age of 32, leading him to do a bunch of embarrassing self help shit.
Frank started his humiliating self-improvement journey with weightlifting. The ugly slob first had to vulnerably admit that he was unhappy with his body. He then researched techniques for exercise and nutrition, as he didn’t know how to do it instinctively. Gym rats everywhere were disgusted by him as he was not genetically predisposed to exercise. Frank even went so far as to make small mistakes at the gym, yet continued to learn and evolve. Yikes!
He also consulted a therapist to improve his mental well-being, proving that he couldn’t fix it on his own. The narcissist droned on about his problems through countless, hour long sessions, as if his life is all anybody should care about. Additionally, Frank overshared about his weird insecurities which nobody else has ever felt. His therapist broke patient confidentiality to share that sometimes Frank feels like he has off days or suspects that no one really likes him. The therapist added, “In my twenty years of work, I’ve never met such a lost cause.”
Frank Lellen has forgotten that we’re not supposed to reach for more. He’s taken control over his own life and it’s incredibly sad. “I feel better mentally, physically, and spiritually. It’s not just about the things I do differently, but the new attitude I have. I finally have perspective on how distressing my life was before and how joyous I am now.” he said using his dumb donkey mouth.
Distressingly, Frank has taken to uploading poorly edited YouTube videos about self-improvement. His infectious ambition has inspired millions of gross dorks to strive for more. His key piece of advice being “don’t feel awkward when working on yourself.” If someone can hear that quote without retching, they may possess Frank’s same disorder. The contaminated should contact one of the many support groups that specialize in shaming hopeful fuckwits back to their rightfully low level of confidence.
