LA’s New Favorite Cocktail Just Borg

By Audrey Serrano

LOS ANGELES, CA — Move over Aperol spritz! After Bella Hadid was spotted sipping translucent pink liquid from a plastic jug at The Fleur Room last Saturday, borg has officially become LA’s hottest new drink.

An acronym for the term “Blackout Rage Gallon,” borg consists of water, MiO water enhancer, and the bottom-shelf vodka of your choosing. While borg has been the underaged frat brother’s drink of choice for quite some time, the beverage is beginning to gain traction among accredited food-critics and self-proclaimed Instagram “foodies” alike. Following Kendall Jenner’s announcement of expanding 818 to include a line of “vodka and dihydrogen monoxide based beverages,” borg has made appearances at some of LA’s most bustling spots, including Nobu Malibu, The Butcher’s Daughter, and the EVK made-to-order bar.

Though the majority of restaurateurs have praised borg for its simplicity (even the worst mixologists can make Barnett’s vodka and Red 40 taste eerily similar to warm Gatorade), a few people in the LA food scene have voiced their concern over the cocktail’s virality. Bryan Cain, the owner of Cafe White in Silver Lake, worries that the plastic jug the drink is typically served in will interfere with the aesthetics of his gastronomic vision.

“From a marketing standpoint, borg is an absolute eyesore. Just like the people of color who lived in this neighborhood before we displaced them,” said Cain from his $7,000 a month Echo Park condo. Instead of the traditional plastic gallon, Cain plans to serve Borg in XXL 128 ounce mason jars, in the building whose white exterior covered a 40 year old Chicano mural. 

However, many seasoned borg drinkers have expressed outrage regarding the cocktail’s widespread consumption. 19 year old Brandon Rogers, a brother at the UPIFC chapter of TKE, accused Cafe White of “cultural appropriation bruh,” explaining how the drink’s rising popularity is a slippery slope to more acts of frat mockery. “They’ve got borg but what’s next? They gonna start saying real slurs instead of those libtard microaggressions?” said Rogers before taking a swig from a gallon with the phrase “ABORGtion is murder!” sharpied onto it.