USC Addresses South Central Food Desert With Village Erewhon

By Sarah Cortina

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Los Angeles County grocery store favored among influencers off duty has decided to give back to some of its most dedicated customers as well as the community by opening a location in the USC Village. 

“We know that USC students, I mean residents of South Central, are struggling with only a Trader Joes, Target, and Ralph’s within walking distance, whereas Westwood residents have access to a Whole Foods and a variety of healthy choices, which is definitely not a result of Los Angeles urban planning,” digressed Erewhon CEO Tony Antoci. “Our 2023 mission is to create accessibility in the health food space, thus there is no better way to give back than to open a location in the food desert of South Central Los Angeles. We charge 10% less on produce so avocados should only cost $4 and bananas $1 now.” 

He then added, “Plus, 10% of Erewhon memberships are attached to USC emails, and my daughter who goes here says if there’s a closer location they’ll buy coconut cloud smoothies for everyone in their incoming sorority pledge class and have us cater their Friday brunches.” 

Erewhon has made products exclusively available to their USC location, including a “Erewhon AMF”, a smoothie made with Blue Majik, lemon juice, and spirulina, as well as vegan, gluten free, and sugar-free cronuts. They also plan to pilot a 24 hour window on weekends for those who only pick one harmful substance to put in their body each weekend, which usually happens to be cocaine. Erewhon is known for its celebrity sightings, and many of the washed up Disney stars attending USC have often been spotted at the new location clutching onto the remnants of their fame as well as an oat milk matcha latte. 

However, many complain of misleading product labels. “I bought this smoothie with colloidal silver in it because it said it was going to make me lose five pounds, but then I found out that was because colloidal silver is actually just ground up lead,” lamented senior Janie Johnson. “But whatever, I’ll take lead poisoning over looking fat in Cabo.”  

Consumers have also reportedly been turned away by Erewhon valet services if their car was not made in the last five years. Fortunately, an Erewhon spokesperson reassured the refusal of customers was simply due to the parking lot being full, and that they were continuing their philanthropic efforts by distributing leftover food to students forced to eat at EVK.