Quiz: Are They Hot or Just Wearing Over the Ear Headphones?

By Izzy Ster

It’s no secret that over the ear headphones, thanks to the rise of the AirPods Max, have gained popularity on campus. It’s also no secret that most of the people who walk past you with the latest “indie” tracks (Taylor Swift’s Midnights) blasting are also indubitably sexy. Is it due to  everyone at USC being inexplicably attractive or because their black headphones match their Doc Marten oxford shoes? Take this quiz to figure out if you’re really into Jasper from CTCS 190, Kelly from IYA, or Ryan from KXSC, or if you really just want a pair of Sony WH-1000XM4. 

Why does their personality attract you?

1. You really just clicked when with that guy you chatted with briefly in the Dulce line. Our interests, such as thrifting, film, and listening to music, really align! Their sense of humor was electric and they cracked some real zingers about the Village Mormon missionaries. They even ordered the same drink as me, blueberry matcha with oat milk (and we experienced intense stomach pain after…or were those butterflies?).
2. They just seem really cool. When you saw them walking in the SCA courtyard, you could hear the 1975 album bumping from their Sony MDR-7506 they bought for CTPR 310. Honestly, everyone could because they’re noise-canceling for no one except the person using them. Even so, you still think they could get you off despite them being holed up in the SCA labs for 18 hours straight, editing their latest “subversive” passion project.

What would be your ideal first date with them?

1. You aren’t too picky. Dinner and a movie would do the trick. Or maybe a sushi date in DTLA. Mini golf could even be fun too! 
2. You’re unsure. Dinner and a movie would ensure that they would actually take the headphones off and you’ll be forced to see if their head is a normal shape or not. Anything where they can’t sit and listen to a podcast about critical race theory and the intersection of French New Wave cinema would probably be nice. 

What is your love language?

1. You’re classic. Words of affirmation make you melt. You’re also a sucker for quality time. And once you start cuddling with someone, you never want to let go! 
2. If someone made you a customized playlist, you would fall in love instantly. Especially when you could listen to it on their super awesome Marshall headphones. 

What physical feature drew you to them the most? 

1. Their smile. It’s perfect and their nose crinkles right before they crack a grin. Their green AirPods Max really compliments their eyes. Their green eyes. Wait, no. Brown? Let’s compromise on hazel. 
2. Their ears that would make even Dumbo himself green with envy.  

Do you have any idea what this person actually looks like?

1. Of course! They have kind eyes and adorable freckles. 
2. There was a person wearing headphones? 

How do you feel when you see them?

1. Your stomach explodes with millions and millions of butterflies. You want to sob with joy and throw up all at the same time. You’re crushing hard!
2. Are they really layering three different sweaters and two skirts while wearing knee-high boots? Does it look cool or are they really pulling it off because they’re wearing corded headphones? 

Results:

Mostly 1s: Score! You seem to really dig this person. You two vibe really well and they probably wouldn’t ghost you after the first date. Your attraction to them is purely physical and emotional, whew! 

Mostly 2s: This person just so happened to flounce past you on their way to their Art History GE discussion with a pair of cute sunnies and sharp over-the-ear headphones. You don’t have anything in common, but gosh darn it do they look mysterious and like they would traumatize you enough to make dating an incredibly frightening endeavor! Best of luck.