Flood Damages Thornton, Horny Band Kids Wetter Than Ever Before

By Jackson Irvine

LOS ANGELES, CA — Following the torrential downpour this past weekend, The Music Complex suffered significant damage, making Thornton’s horny band kids wetter than they’ve ever been before. The combination of excessive rainfall, canceled classes, and the prospect of cheating on their Theory II midterms over Zoom has Thornton students creaming themselves silly. Unfortunately, their uncoordinated hallway grope-fests will have to take place outside on Ramo Lawn instead of down underneath Carson Center where they belong.