Class Sits In Complicit Silence As YouTube Autoplay Counts Down Behind Professor
By Bill Rockas
LOS ANGELES, CA – During Professor Horace Broadlong’s Astronomy 200 lecture, an entire auditorium of students sat in abject silence as an impending YouTube autoplay counted down, detailing the moments before utterly derailing his train of thought.
The aiding and abetting of this tragedy sent shockwaves throughout the campus. Psych Professor Belena Crawlsley shared her fears with us, but her interview was conducted over Zoom and her mic was muted. It was much too awkward for us to correct her so she could not be reached for comment.
Students from the initial class have ranged from experiencing moderate regret over their silence to bloodthirsty glee. “The next video in the autoplay was called ‘Fortnite Emote Fails – Sexy?! Part 33’ and I had just finished watching part 32. I had to let it steamroll my uggo professor’s boring sky math” said junior Hunter Foonp who has since watched all the way up to Fortnite Funnies Part 67: Historical Assassination Recreations.
Fellow student Alice Sip offered a different viewpoint: “Our professor stated that if we ever notice anything wrong in class, we should just speak up. But what am I supposed to do with that? Talk during class? Like a fucking loser? Yeah, no thanks.”
Professor Broadlong’s classroom has been evacuated and condemned as none of the other professors have figured out how to stop the onslaught of Fortnite videos. The embarrassment following the incident was so severe that Broadlong has quit his job, burnt his clothes, and inhabited a technology-free cave in Yosemite National Park.
