Trump Denies Guilt on Whatever Court Charged Him With

By Izzy Ster 

Following the announcement that former President Donald Trump was found guilty on all counts in the hush-money case earlier this afternoon, Trump himself shockingly and uncharacteristically denied his guilt.

“Look, whatever case they’re hearing out right now, it’s lies. All of it, full of liars, particularly the state of New York, yes the entire state,” Trump yelled into his limousine’s car phone headed straight for the Canadian border. “I don’t know what this nonsense is, like, seriously, what am I in trouble for?” Trump then proceeded to bang on the partition separating him from his driver, imploring for answers. 

“Whatever it is, I didn’t do it and Biden started it!”