Report: Hottest Woman You Know Dating A PVC Pipe With Eyes
By Liam Stephenson
LOS ANGELES – This National Boyfriend’s Day, the most gorgeous woman to grace this planet announced via Instagram stories that she is, in fact, dating a PVC pipe with a face and some legs.
“He’s just, like, really interesting” stated Melanie, the hot woman in question, in a much-needed explanation to a group chat. “I know he’s a thin plastic tube with sad, human eyes, but he also wears Carhartt, and that’s enough for me. So what if he looks like one of Handy Manny’s sentient tools? He has a car. I’m just so lucky that he got unbanned from Hinge so he could find me.” Melanie then sent a photo of them to the group chat, which was immediately bombarded with “thumbs down” reactions.
Melanie reportedly used the song “Bed Chem” by Sabrina Carpenter on the announcement post story, which Sabrina herself commented on.
“I approve,” stated Sabrina Carpenter via X. “I know what it’s like to date a man that looks like a possum. What is he gonna do, cheat on me? With who? Other possums? If my man doesn’t look like microwaved Steve Buscemi, I don’t want him.”
The author of this article would like to note that he is the one exception to this joke. Nobody has ever called him a “mid boyfriend” because he’s really handsome and nice.
