Trojans Learn An Important Lesson In Friendship, Lose 24-27
By Phineas Kelly
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Despite a heartbreaking loss, the Trojans learned an important and relatable lesson about friendship while losing to the University of Minnesota 17-24.
Even after going through several training montages where the team learned to embrace each other’s differences earlier in the season, the players struggled to connect, leading to a gridlocked halftime score of 10-10. With the locker room in shambles, Coach Lincoln Riley gave a heartwarming and impassioned speech over a soft acoustic soundtrack, asking his players to dig deep and leave it all on the field. He concluded by saying “I don’t care what happens on that field. To me, all of you are winners. Because you did it together.” The team then held hands and cheered, realizing that the bonds they had formed with each other were more important than the tens of millions of dollars of university investment.
The Trojans ran back out onto the field, ready to give it their all, but they knew deep in their hearts that they had already done what they set out to do: make their small, insignificant town of Los Angeles, California proud. The Trojans clawed their way back into the lead, surprising all in attendance, before a tragic and unforeseeable collapse in the 4th quarter caused the Golden Gophers to burst ahead in the game’s last moments. As the Gophers triumphantly made their way to the locker room, the Trojans assembled for an impromptu group hug in the middle of the field, moving the crowd to a standstill. A single fan began slow-clapping for the ragtag Trojans’ display of family values, causing the opposing fans to cheer wildly for their former adversary.
USC left with the second loss of their season, but the first real win of the rest of their lives. However, they did not learn much about the drastically increased competitiveness of Big 10 football, as they lost 17-24. Dumbasses.
