“But Can She Handle the Pressure?” Wonders Nation That Chose Man Who Cracked Under It

By Izzy Ster

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following yesterday’s tumultuous election results, the Nation celebrates its selection of the obviously AND totally historically less emotionally volatile candidate. 
“Sure, he’s a senile, convicted felon with several sexual assault allegations, BUT at least he’s not shrill,” said a man who voted for Trump to “avoid higher taxes” yet isn’t remotely close to the top 1%. “Even though Trump incited violent riots on January 6th in 2021, I can at least count on him to NOT have manic episodes and emotional outbursts like a menopause-ridden woman would. We will avoid the repercussions of PMS in the good ol’ USA once again!” declared the man before throwing a tantrum as if he didn’t already control everything.