Instagram Stories Mourning The Loss of A Nation Interrupted By Fun Birthday Shoutout
By Bill Rockas
LOS ANGELES, CA—As millions of Americans sift through the heated political discourse and cries for democracy’s salvation on their social media feeds, we must not forget that today is also Tristan’s twenty-second birthday.
The endless doom scroll of NYT articles, original rants, and poetry reposts may be smacking users across the face with each click, but if you keep scrolling, you will find salvation. “Watching a renewed fascist movement rear its ugly head sent me into an existential despair,” recounted Melinda Bobner, “but then my feed hit Gina’s story celebrating Tristan’s birthday, and everything felt ok. I like Tristan. I also like that Gina likes Tristan enough to post about him. That’s nice.”
“I didn’t get all the inside jokes she wrote on the post but that’s the very thing that made me feel so connected – knowing that they’re sharing something special,” shouted Franklin Grid over the sound of Neo Nazis setting fire to a nearby post office. “It’s times like these that remind me I’m not only an American citizen, I’m also an Instagram user.”
The Sack of Troy would like to issue Tristan a happy birthday! We know how much of a milestone twenty-two years is, and we’re so happy Gina put you in the middle of a flurry of unrest and disillusionment. One can only hope we’ll live long enough to see you hit twenty-three!
