Elon Musk Raises Arm of Tesla Logo Juuuuuust A Little
By Phineas Kelly
USA — In a tumultuous beginning to the new year, Elon Musk announced that one arm of Tesla’s famous T-shaped logo would be raised juuuuuust a little.
Musk announced the baaaarely noticeable rebrand on Thursday via a post on X, immediately resulting in 3000 deaths due to shareholder heart failure. Musk detailed his reasoning for the change in the post, asserting “It just felt right, you know? The arms have the droopiness of a company in decline. They need the energy of a corporation reborn, an energy that combines both national and social elements–some kind of ‘national socialism’, or something. I’m just spitballing here. Hey, can we patent that?”
Musk announced all new car deliveries would incorporate the tiiiiiiny logo change. In addition, Musk announced a teeeensy itty bitty new software update, which uses the car’s built-in microphone system to detect “anti-Tesla conversations” of passengers, and then drive the occupants directly into the nearest body of water. “I just think that people who can’t get behind my new vision of technology are a threat to civilized society, and let’s face it: they probably shouldn’t be on the road. I’m doing everyone a favor here.”
When told by a senior Tesla employee that raising the logo veeeeeery slightly would make the “T” shape more of a “Y”, Musk reportedly snapped his fingers, summoning two Model SS vehicles to escort the man away for questioning.
