Kendrick Hand-Delivers The A Minor Chain to Drake “Just in Case He Hasn’t Killed Himself Yet”

By Quinn Healey

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Hell hath no fury like a 5’5″ man distraught, and Kendrick Lamar is certainly no exception. The Pulitzer Prize winner’s highly-anticipated Super Bowl Halftime performance took no hostages, culminating in a performance of the chart-topping diss track “Not Like Us.” After telling Drake that it was “game over” in front of an audience of millions, Lamar swiftly removed the gem-encrusted A Minor chain from his neck, placed it in a box with instructions on how to tie a noose, and boarded a high-speed jet headed towards Drake’s Toronto mansion.

When asked for comment, main character Kendrick Lamar explained, “I want to be there personally to deliver it… to tell Drake that this isn’t a cop-out, it’s just what everyone wants him to do. I hope he realizes that he can do one good deed that offsets the absolute shitstain his existence has left on the Earth. That is if he hasn’t killed himself yet.”