Opinion: I’m One Internship Interview From Giving Up and Moving to a Cabin in the Woods

By Quinn Healey

LOS ANGELES, CA – Another day, another company that has yet to get back to me after I skipped class to interview in the singular, inconvenient twenty-minute time slot left open on the Calendly link that’s been passed around more times than a poorly-rolled joint in New North.

It’s a never-ending cycle: searching for internships, finding the perfect one, realizing it’s unpaid, finding one that does pay, discovering that the paid internship only pays in college credit and “work experience,” B.S.-ing a cover letter, copy/pasting my LinkedIn Experience, saying a prayer, hitting “Apply,” (maybe) getting an interview, and ultimately being rejected. I’m going to snap. My mental health can’t take it anymore – and, in this economy, neither can my bank account after I buy yet another little treat as a reward for being brave enough to kneel before our corporate overlords and beg for a minimum wage job.

So, instead of becoming yet another cog in the corporate machine, I’ve turned to Googling “Can you really live in the woods,” “How to build a cabin without construction experience,” and “Is Minecraft based on real life?” I checked out a book on foraging from Leavey. I’ve created a Depop to sell all of most of some of my Earthly belongings and realized how much girls are willing to pay when you describe a pair of white jeans from Old Navy as “vintage coquette clean girl aesthetic.”

Have I ever been camping before? LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I mean, humans did it for thousands of years. How hard could it be? Between getting mauled by a bear in my FREE cabin that I built FOR ZERO DOLLARS that has NO BILLS and croaking at my desk, only to be found several days later when the bank comes to eliminate my bloodline because I missed a mortgage payment… I’ll take the bear.