Students Asked Not To Imagine Commencement As It Could Incite Violence
By Staff LOS ANGELES, CA – With commencement now canceled, USC has asked that students stop engaging in imagining what
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College
USC’s DPS Zone Will Now Be Called Gotham City
By Dean Woods LOS ANGELES GOTHAM CITY, CA – Over the weekend, USC’s Department of Public Safety announced some upcoming
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USC Career Fair Offering Internships to Winner of Mud Wrestling Bracket
By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – In an exciting twist for upcoming graduates, USC announced that all open internship
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Traveler’s Early Retirement Followed by Suspicious Meat in the Parkside Dining Hall
By Dean Woods LOS ANGELES, CA – Following a typical Saturday evening at the Coliseum, packed with sweaty football fans,
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To Ensure Attention, USC Classrooms Will Now Feature TVs Playing Cropped Footage of Subway Surfers
By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to maintain student attention, USC will play cropped footage of
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Holy Shit: Person In Your Class Last Semester Also In Your Class This Semester
By Jackson Parker LOS ANGELES, CA – Sources have confirmed that the guy who just walked into your classroom looks
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Finals Week Theater Major Discovers Mysterious Campus Building Labelled “LIBRARY”
By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – A USC School of Dramatic Arts major has made archeological history this finals
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Cheer Heard After Leaving Party Was About You
By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – According to multiple attendees, that enormous cheer that erupted from the party moments
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New North Roommates Fight to Death Over Whether or Not to Have a Polaroid Wall
By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, two female New North residents created complete chaos over their month-long
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USC Defensive Coordinator Revealed To Be A “Welcome” Doormat
By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – USC football fans are shocked after the reveal that defensive coordinator Alex Grinch
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