OPINION: Start The Steal

By Violet Wang Washington, D.C. – Listen up liberals, the jig is up. We need to start the steal. I

I Pretended To Look Confused At The Timothee Chalamet Lookalike Competition Because #needthat

By Noelle Medina NEW YORK, NY – As a woman desperately searching for a scrawny dog boy who looks like

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES – As USC students and faculty grow frustrated with the additional security at all campus

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – In light of President Joseph Robinette Biden’s recent age-related blunders, it’s important to

by Aidan Driscoll LOS ANGELES, CA – Confounding women everywhere, local man Benjamin Scroggy has shown he in fact knows

By Lily McLaughlin I love Hozier, but you know what would make Hozier even better? If one of his songs

By Bill Rockas PORTLAND, OR – Veal fever has hit America as more and more citizens are correctly adopting a

By Joshua Wolk While elitist Republicans and Democrats wax lyrical about serving local businesses, I reckon it’s time that we

By Scott Altsuler We all know that one person that takes their birthday and celebrates the whole week, and I

By Levi Elias CONCORD, CA – After a long absence, the Kinder Surprise is finally making its big return to