News in Brief
Robert Durst Tries Stand-Up, Kills
by Alex Greenblatt COMEDY CELLAR — At a local open mic, real estate mogul, heir to the Seymore Durst, and Read more
Poor Family Uses Bread Instead of Hot Dog Buns
by Hannah Ceselski SPRINGFIELD, MO -- Every Sunday night, matriarch Susan Hobbes treats her family to a special meal of Read more
Bored Man Shaves Hair Around Nipples to Look Like Eyebrows
by Ryan Zubery BLOOMINGTON, MN — Having nothing else to do at 2:57 PM, Devon Tracy went to his bathroom and Read more
Girl’s Boyfriend Like, The Funniest Guy Ever
by Chai Karve USC -- We at the Sack of Troy have received word that local junior Jane Lazuli’s boyfriend Read more
Toes Slip Out From Bottom of Blankie
by Chai Karve MAZDA BROOK, NJ -- Late Thursday night, in a suburban home in northern New Jersey, 7 year Read more
Mom Only Person to Talk Shit to Daughter’s Face and Compliment Behind Back
by Sydney Sanchez LOS ANGELES, CA -- After overhearing her mother on the phone, college sophomore Eloise Van realized that Read more
Netflix Adds “& Chill” Section Featuring Several Hours of Background Noise
by Matt Hanisch LOS GATOS, CA — Based on feedback from numerous sources, Netflix has discovered that its viewers no Read more
Dakota Access Pipeline Finds Alt. Route Through Black Neighborhood
by Matt Hanisch LAKE OAHE, ND — After enduring several protests from members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, developers Read more