Female Jogger Breaks Personal Record for Most Miles with Van Following
By Melanie Hoffmann TUCSON, AZ — On Thursday, local Tucson resident Winona Clark passed a personal milestone in her fitness Read more
Sports
Local Man Reaches Bottom of Pornhub
By Jonathan Krone HOBOKEN, NJ — During a long and unsuccessful search for the perfect porno to stroke his sausage Read more
Threesome Less Fun After Two People Cancel Last-Minute
By Finn Kobler Frat registers shut down by police. Q&A screenings with directors who never showed. That one thing Fetti Read more
Coolest Sixth Grader Ever Throws Ball Far
By Jonathan Krone JEFFERSON MIDDLE SCHOOL — Local sixth grader Jeffrey Sanderson cemented his status as the undisputed king of Read more
Huge Skateboard No Match For Tiny Rock
by Seth Woodhouse LOS ANGELES, CA — It was like any Tuesday for Gerald the Carbon GTR Skateboard, as his Read more
12 Year Old Receives 3 Miami Dolphins Players in Trade for Full Size Snickers Bar
By Jonathan Krone MIAMI, FLORIDA — In a move that shocked analysts and organizations throughout the league, local 12-year-old Bryce Davidson Read more
Student Running to Class Gripping Freshly Printed Essay Like It’s the Goddamn Olympic Torch
By Dan Toomey TROUSEDALE PARKWAY — Students gawked in anticipation and embarrassment on Friday as a heaving, perspiring freshman sprinted Read more
USC Athletics Hires Guy Who Was Really Good At Madden NFL 12
by Chris Cheshire HERITAGE HALL -- In front of a stunned crowd of local journalists, USC Athletic Director Lynn Swann Read more
Super Bowl Party Could Have Just Been Regular Party
by Joey Rayburn LOS ANGELES, CA – Across the country, Americans gathered in living rooms and planted themselves in front Read more
“I Only Watch for the Commercials,” Says Least Interesting Guy at Super Bowl Party
by Joey Rayburn PHILADELPHIA, PA – Everyone at Rebecca Huston’s Super Bowl party is brimming with excitement to watch the Read more